Ting's little melody of life

When you were young, you didn’t even understand the notion of risk. You just did. You ate paint chips off the wall, you tasted the handful of dirt you scooped up in your garden, you stuck your fingers wherever you wanted to, but as time passed and you grew older, you were slowly introduced and taught the notion of risk by others around you and it was as if a square marking your boundaries was slowly painted around you. Soon enough, you stopped risking. You stayed confined within the box that was drawn around you by others and you accepted it.

This is where I’m comfortable.
This box determines my capabilities.
I can’t and I won’t step out of this box.

What happened? On the one hand, when you were young, you just did without thinking of the consequences. On the other hand, when you got older, you stopped doing because you started thinking of the consequences. Neither end of the spectrum is good so how can we reconcile? How can we get the best of both worlds?

First off, let’s tackle the part of “not doing”. Why do we hesitate to take risks? How can we get back that trait of boldness we had as a child?

It’s actually very simple. It just involves changing what we label risk as.

You’ve got to understand that risk is nothing but a label and the reason why risk yields so much power over us is precisely because of that. Labels are extremely powerful because we tend to pass judgment solely based on that. When something is labeled, we equate some sort of image to it. Armani – fancy suit. Ferrari – fast car. Nike – running shoes. In this case, what image does the label of risk conjure up? Imminent danger. We judge risk as imminent danger.

We need to change the label. Stop thinking of risk as just a one shot do or die situation. Instead, start thinking of risk as a journey of exploration. It’s not just about one shot. It’s about a journey, a journey you choose to embark on for the purpose of exploring a different path.

Columbus did not take a risk. He chose to go on a journey to explore the new world. Entrepreneurs don’t take risks. They choose to go on a journey to explore other means of making a living. Companies don’t take risks. They choose to explore doing things differently than the norm.

People mistakenly think that if they take a risk and it doesn’t turn out the way they expect it to, that it’s all over. The sky will fall, their world will come crashing down, and that they’ll never bounce back from it. It’s precisely because of that one shot do or die mentality that prevents people from taking risks. Step back and look at the forest. Don’t look at the trees. Risk is not just about looking at one tree. It’s about exploring an entire forest.

If you start labeling risk as a journey of exploration and discovery, it takes the weight off your shoulders and you become more inclined to take action.

Before, you had no label for risk as a child. Now you do and it’s stopping you from taking them. Change the label and start exploring.

Now that you’re older, you have the ability of thinking of the consequences of your actions. It’s a good thing because if you didn’t and you started thinking of risks as exploration and decided to jump off a plane with no parachute, you’d be in for one big surprise.

Again we run into the issue of labels. Consequences usually have a negative label associated with them. You will suffer the consequences of your actions. Do you know what the consequences of that will be? You’ve got to face the consequences of your actions. Such a heavy label isn’t it? Instead of consequences, think outcomes.

Go on a journey of exploration and focus on your desired outcome. Don’t focus on consequences.

Also, understand that each time you take a risk by thinking of it as a journey to explore, the box around you gets larger and this increase in latitude of exploration spills over to other areas of your life. If you find yourself exploring in work, you’ll find yourself exploring in your social life, your personal life, etc. As you keep on doing this, you realize the fact that there is no, or ever was, a box drawn around you and that it was all in your head the entire time.

What about those times when you risk it and it is just about ONE shot; like when you go for it on 4th down during the national championship game? Isn’t that a big risk? How can that be exploration you say?

When it comes down to those times, those aren’t really risks from the coach’s point of view. What the audience doesn’t see are all the times that the coaches ran risks during the pre season, going for it on 4th down in the middle of other games, the hundreds of times they went through this exact same scenario in practice, etc.

You see, the coaches took many risks BEFORE this moment to explore how to handle this type of situation if it were to ever come up in the future. Meanwhile, everyone at home is thinking this is a HUGE risk, a big gamble to go for it on fourth down, but the players and the coach know otherwise. It’s not a risk because they’ve explored this scenario many times before so they know what to do and how to deal with it when the situation actually came.

So must it be with you. When you begin to take little risks of exploration, you make yourself bold enough to take those big risks that appear to be like do or die situations from the outside, but you will smile on the inside because you know otherwise.

Change the labels. Go on a journey of exploration and focus on the desired outcome and the word risk will have power over you no more. When you do this on a consistent basis, you’ll find that a new label for risk emerges.

Freedom.

If you value your own progress, you need to learn how to criticise yourself. We are often eager to criticise others, but when it comes to criticising ourselves we are strangely reluctant. The art of self criticism is essential to learn ing from mistakes and gaining an improved perspective on life.

Consider Your Motives

We maybe able to fool other people, but we should never try to fool ourselves. It is important to be aware of our motivation for doing something. For example, are we being kind to someone with selfless motives, or is it being undertaken with an ulterior motive? At times we like to fool ourselves into thinking we are being altruistic, when actually we are acting from the basis of our ego. This is when we need to be self critical because otherwise our mind can trick us into feeling we are a very good person, when actually we are just being selfish. By being aware of this, we can try to reduce the power of the ego in our lives.

Be Honest with Yourself

Self criticism means we have to be honest with our-self. There is no benefit from trying to justify our bad actions. If we can learn to be honest with ourselves our conscience will prevent us from undertaking regrettable actions. Many bad people, will try and find a way of justifying their actions to themselves; this is the danger of not being honest with yourself.

Avoid Excessive Guilt

Self criticism is not easy, but it is a valuable aspect of our self improvement. However, when we criticise our bad actions, it is unhelpful to retain a powerful sense of guilt. Guilt does not help us to improve, it can just make us feel miserable. When we have become aware of wrong thoughts, make a resolution to avoid doing it and then focus on doing the right thing. This is much better than becoming debilitated from guilt.

Don’t Judge Other People by the Same Standards

Often we see a defect in our own behaviour, and we quite rightly want to improve upon it. However, the problem is that, in our eagerness, we can gain an evangelical fervour and seek to proselytise to other people. We want to improve ourself, but, also start to feel others should be making the same change. Stick to self criticism; other people will go at a different pace, and we are not responsible for what others do.

Self Improvement not self contempt.

Self criticism does not mean self contempt. We have to draw a careful balance between working at our self improvement and feeling useless and worthless. Remember we are only criticising a certain action and not our self. If we make mistakes no harm; mistakes are an essential part of learning and developing. The important thing is that we are able to learn from our actions. Self criticism should be looked upon as a positive thing, and not a tool for beating ourselves up.

Don’t Let Pride Get in the Way

It is our pride that dislikes being criticised. Our ego likes to believe we are always right and therefore it becomes difficult to examine our inner motives. However, to continue doing the wrong thing from a sense of pride only serves to magnify the existing mistake. If we are reluctant to make some changes because of a false faith in our ego, we will feel a permanent tension. If we can learn to let go of pride, we will gain joy from our own self-improvement.

Know Your Values

It is important to criticise ourselves for the right things. Work out what matters in life. For example, if you fail to meet the expectations of your boss in working overtime, this is not necessarily a thing to be self-critical about. However, if you are letting down your friends by being thoughtless and unkind, this is far more significant; be self-critical about the things that matter.

Invite Suggestions From Others

Quite often we cannot see our faults, even though they maybe glaring to others. In these circumstances, it can be very beneficial to invite criticism from a close friend. This can help us to see faults, that we are just unable or unwilling to be aware of. If you do invite criticism from others, don’t respond by being defensive and aggrieved. Be calm and detached; and see it as an opportunity to learn from the mistakes.

Self Criticism is a Path to Happiness

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
   -  Respect for self,
   -  Respect for others and
   -  Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and
    think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
20. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.